Letters For My Coaches 2

Alyssa is incredible. Girl has better style than everyone in Mankato combined. She's also very quick witted which is important to me in a friend. She also loves her cat.

Alyssa,

Your duo blocking is more shocking than a knifey dildo.

Your pop culture knowledge is only trumped by your Sperry’s

Your ties are borrowed more than prostitutes borrowed on Christmas.

Your hair indicates your sexuality more than the broken chromosome that made you that way.

Your wit is quicker than the length of time people cared about Darfur.

Your aura is as electrifying as fucking a Pikachu. It’s super effective!

Your personality is explosive… like the Challenger.

Your future is like the World Trade Center. Things might fall apart but a bigger, better World Trade Center will always be built in its place.

You’re loved. Like Ukraine loves carnies so much they blew up a reactor to create a whole generation of them. Like Jesus loved the world so much, he died and left. Like John F. Kennedy loved parades so much, he celebrated by taking three or four shots. You’re loved. And your love will carry on in our hearts like those little worms will in over 2.7 million puppies this year.

Hearts,

Brad