So I’m in a class called specialized writing but I like to call it writing for special people. It’s funny. Basically the class consists of writing editorials and things like that. Well we have to have a blog and I said to myself, “Brad,” I said, “this is the perfect opportunity to blog more.” So here we are! I think today, I will post something that I wrote four years ago.
I’m in this thing called forensics. You have to talk in front of people and “act” and make up speeches on the spot and shit like that. I once described it to Josh as being “very liberal” and he said, “You think that a group of people walking around in suits, talking about things that aren’t too radical, with people judging you the whole time is liberal?” … Meow. (Pronounced mee-aahh.)
There is an even called ADS which stands for Afternoon DelightS and you basically have to create a ten minute persuasive speech that’s funny. This is the one I wrote my freshman year that isn’t necessarily good but I like it. That’s how a lot of my freshman year went. People hated on me and I said, “whateva” and they said, “but seriously” and I said, “I do me.” So here it is.
"Last October I found this fabulous leopard print shirt on ebay for only 12 dollars minus shipping from Japan. I. Was. Ecstatic. But before I could buy it I had to convince myself that I needed it. Then. I realized. I still needed a shirt to wear with my shimmery red tie. I strutted into that next Gustavus Adolphus speech tournament wearing my Japanese leopard print like a lion… disguised as a leopard. My coach was thrilled. I think her face looked something like this. (at this point I make a horrified face.) Then- she tells me that there’s no place for leopards in speech… and while I’m at that I should cut of my lion mane. Apparently there’s no room for big pussies in forensics. My heart nearly broke. But then I remembered reading in the Courier mail on my weekend trip to Australia that the true goal of criticism is to become the best that they can be.
So why are people such little wussy babies who can’t take criticism. Well, we want to see the good in ourselves and we hope that others see the same. When someone tells Britney not to shave her head and someone tells me that I should, we become hurt and upset rather than evaluating their opinions to see if there is any truth behind it. So today we will see why we need to toughen up and embrace criticism by first looking at the causes of our oversensitivity, observing the effects of this touchy feely dilemma, and finally, by growing a pair… generating some solutions.
In order to understand what causes our oversensitivity we can explore the theoretical concept of face work; before looking at some everyday occurrences of face maintenance. To begin, we can see that people are concerned about their face. Yeah. You. You should get that looked at. Actually by face I referring to Erving Goffman who defines face in his 1955 essay “On Facework” as, “the positive social value a person effectively claims for himself.” So if we base value on the way that people perceive us then little Kavan Rogness must be dirt poor. According to the book Managing Conflict through communication by Dudley D. Kahn and Ruth Anna Abigail, “Face is fundamental to who we think we are.” Most people want what is called a positive face, which means that they want others to like and respect them. When someone says something to us that hurts our feelings, we imagine that what they have said ruins our face. Ow. Chiseled cheekbones. The image that we want others to perceive of us is tarnished and we’ll do anything to keep that from happening.
One of the Key ways that people maintain face in their everyday lives is to subconsciously create a society that feels the need to feel good all the time like with Dora in Mehico where everything is clean and no one steals and everything is happy all the time. The result of Dora is that we never learn to effectively navigate the tension between self and other perceptions. We are constantly taking pills, adding entertainment, and finding something that can make us clap our hands. I think that some of us took the song if you’re happy and you know it a little too seriously. For example more people watch ADS than CA. That’s because CA is for the extemp kids that don’t have any friends. (extemp is an event that the poorly dressed kids participate in) And according to thinkprogress.org 2006, “NBC’s Nightly News devoted 14 seconds to Iraq and compared to 3 minutes and thirteen seconds compared to when Anna Nicole died. CNN referenced Anna Nicole 522% more frequently than it did Iraq. MSNBC was even worse- 708% more references to Anna Nicole than Iraq.” We are clearly ignoring what’s depressing and focusing on what’s entertaining… Because entertainment is defined as washed up drugged up toh up fro da flo up celebrities that OD and die and leave their child in the middle of a tugga war contest.
Like Britney Spears’ album, our life is like a circus. To live in our circus we feel the need to compartmentalize that bad issues in their own little ring, the one by the strong man and the bearded lady. While focusing only on the center ring where lions are riding on elephants. On elephants!
Our society is clearly focused on entertainment and not issues that could, oh I don’t know, concern us? So now that we know why Mary gets upset when I say that she smells like hobo dick cheese, we can look at the effects that oversensitivity has on our society as a whole. The effects of our oversensitivity are may be summed up in two points. First we are more fragile than a lightbulb shoved up a butthole and second, we have become less honest with others and ourselves.
To begin, we can start this paragraph in typical annoying PA fashion. But first. People get effing worked up over everything. In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine 2006 about her movie Mysteries of Pittsburgh, Sienna Miller describes the city as, “Shittsburgh.” Well, the citizens were so appalled that someone would say that about their city that she publicly apologized the day after the article was released. Did anyone pause long enough to realize that Pittsburgh is uh-scusting? Was she wrong about what she said? We didn’t even make God apologize for Dr. Phil. Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and the Dixie Chicks have all been pressured to apologize for their views. They aren’t ready to make nice. Instead of evaluating opinions to find possibilities for change, people are wasting their time being mad that their bubble of good feelings has been popped.
Not only are we raising our blood pressure, but we are becoming less honest. We are so thin skinned that we are afraid to say what we actually think for fear of offending others. According to progressiveu.org, last updated December 30th 2008, “people find it difficult to say things straight forward. They’ve become so worried about saying almost anything. Having an opinion seems almost dangerous now.” Being so careful prevents us from meaning what we say and saying what we mean. For example I could say, “Hey uh, Christopher, have you ever used axe deodorant? It’s awesome… you turn into chocolate and girls eat you.” Or I could say, “God Christopher. You smell bad.” Which is more effective? Still not buying that honesty is the best policy? Let’s say that I get an ADS ballot saying that the judge thinks I had an off round. Now substitute that comment for this one, “Your humor is ineffective for the topic.” Which comment is more likely to get me to change the humor that I put in my speech?
After understanding the causes and effects of being so oversensitive, we can now turn to some solutions. So how can society make Christopher smell better? We need to embrace the things that make us feel bad, because sometimes it’s their job. This focus on the feelings of others emphasizes the good and pushes away the bad. Because we are constantly made to feel good we don’t realize that feeling bad may be necessary. For starters we need to quit with all of the participatory awards. Look at some of the tournaments that we compete at! Seventh place, out of seven, in ADS receiving an extra trophy that we just had laying around goes to… well I hope not me, because that’s embarrassing. However, I can take that bad feeling and use it to improve my speech. So judges, give us constructive criticism! If you’re going to give me a five tell me why!
Bad feelings are necessary because we learn from them and we can use these feelings to make better decisions for the future. For example, when we encounter a bad feeling like guilt over ignoring a friendship because we’re gone hanging out with speech nerds all weekend, we feel more motivated to pick up the phone a nurture that friendship. Kenneth Burke refers to this as the guilt redemption cycle. And who better to know about guilt than a raging alcoholic? Our emotional reactions say something about others and ourselves, we need to critically reflect about what that something is.
So now we know why we need to look at criticism effectively. But second, once we confront what makes us feel bad, we need to reframe it. In the book, Difficult conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, reframing is defined as, “taking the essence of what the other person says and ‘translating it’ into concepts that are more helpful…” So if someone said that I’m an obnoxiously flamboyant, bitchy, stuck up, ken doll who only cares about fashion, Britney, Starbucks, and himself, I should respond by thinking two things before deciding to accept or reject what you have just said. First was what you said valid? That pretty much sums it up. Yes. Second why would you say this to me? Chances are I’ll just ignore you but maybe I’ll listen and learn from your comment. And you probably just said this because you’re jeal of my fabulosity. This reframing of other’s criticism is exactly the type of critical reflection in which we need to engage.
Today we have looked at why we need grow a pair, how thin skin ruins my life, and that we should consider what people say and then let it roll off our shoulders. People are going to say mean things to and about you and especially you (and then I would point at someone, it was hilarious) for the rest of your life. Dealing with what they say is what society needs to work towards… So my coach and I agreed to a compromise. She got her way by not dancing about the issue and I got my way by upgrading myself. I’m sorry about what I said to you before. Really. You don’t look that bad. I can see that you definitely tried. But if you’re still mad at me then you can get over it and so will I."
Basically, the inspiration for You Don't Take Criticism Very Well. My how I've changed.
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