Okay so like a month or so ago, Josh and Tony and I went to Breaking Dawn. I don’t really remember it. Have you ever tried marshmallow vodka? It tastes like sugar plum fairies. You can literally hear them screaming as they slide down your throat to their death. Well we decided that we certainly weren’t going to see this god-awful movie sober. Then, I thought it would be a good idea to live tweet during the entire show. As it turns out fairies have mind erase powers so I didn’t remember that I had wrote any of this until the next day. But here it is. Each scene of Breaking Dawn summed up in 160 characters or less.
1. Drunk live Tweeting Breaking Dawn. This is a porno starring Dawn, right? #Twilight
2. Live tweet. The hunger games uses a lot of special effects for a movie about anorexia. #Twilight
3. Live tweet. Edward has bears at his bachelor party? #Justsaying #Twilight
4. Live tweet. Bella really had to pee but then she saw Edward and she was like, “It’s whatever.” #Twilight
5. Live tweet. WHAT! The invalid from Grey’s Anatomy is in this movie! I guess she learned how to talk like a person… #Twilight
6. Drunk whatever. Comparing biceps with Josh. #Gay #Twilight
7. Live. White sheets were the worst idea ever. Jesus, Edward. #Twilight
8. THAT’S ALL WE GET?! #Goddammit #Twilight
9. LIVE. Is this a domestic abuse campaign? #Twilight
10. Magneto’s mother is in this movie? #Twilight?
11. Good mood food.
12. Bella has a razor. She’s so retro. #Twilight
13. Aww shit. #Twilight
14. HOLY SHIT
15. Oh it’s just a baby. Laaame
16. Ohmygod Bella wake up foR my fracking sake. The acting. It’s just too terrible.
17. Oh my God. Imprinting. So Deep.
18. Emmet is doing pretty good for being the retarded one. Oh my god. Retard is saved on my phone?
19. Throwback special effects from the first movie love it. #Twilight
20. I MADE IT THROUGH! I MADE IT THROUGH! #TWILIGHT
21. Live!!!! That was like a tenacious Survivor combined with Mormon propaganda combined with marshmellow vodka. BREAKING DAWN! THE BEST POR…
22. Jesus. The best porno ever. #Goddammit. …#Twilight
23. Ohmyfucking God. I have a final tomorrow. Twilight.
What can we learn from these tweets? BREAKING DAWN PART TWO: 2012 APOCALYPSE. It’s gonna be great.
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