Disney Puke Stories

               Disney World loves vomit. Vomit makes the tea cups go round. One of the most unforgettable things about working at Disney World is experiencing how disgusting the human body can actually be. The Disney Castmembers have a secret language that sounds something like this, “Ugh, alpha side is down. The fifth dimension is acting up again so we’re one-oh-one.” Or you might hear, “There’s a guest without a GAC card in Jafar. Can you talk to him?” But what you really don’t want to hear is, “There’s a code V in the bypass hallway. Call showkeeping.”

                A “code V” stands for code vomit. Some of the people who have worked there longer call it a “protein spill.” Sometimes we’ll call for a code V if there’s pee or blood somewhere but it mostly means puke. One time there was this little boy who just got to the front of the line on the Rockin’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith and he had to go to the bathroom. Not a big deal. Happens all the time. We just send them out through the gift shop and when they come back they just cut in line. Well, apparently the mother did not understand where the bathroom was or if her son could make it but she decided that it would be best if he just peed in a water bottle that she had in the hallway. Needless to say, there was five year old pee all over the floor. They didn’t bother to tell anyone either. They just got in the roller coaster and continued to have a magical day.

                My friend Jamey used to work at Expedition Everest Starring the Yeti at Animal Kingdom but now he’s “friends with” Prince Phillip because he’s annoyingly handsome. Anyway, people flip out on this ride because it goes backwards in the dark at one point and they think that they’re either going upside down or dying. I don’t know. But everyone gets sick. So I guess when the train was at unload a man threw up in row nine and splashed everyone up to row one. Unfortunately, those people did not survive the expedition.

                I had another friend and his name was Brad too! He worked at Mission: Space Starring Gary Sinise. Ok so this is Mission: Space Starring Gary Sinise- It’s a ride that simulates what it’s like to launch from a space shuttle to Mars and the ride spins super fast so that you feel the g-force like you’re really launching into space and it makes everyone really sick. So you are in an enclosed space that looks like this-

And you have no idea that you’re spinning but the g-force is pushing on you hardcore and that makes some people sick. The ride actually comes with barf bags. Ok, so you are at Disney World and you are having a magical adventure and you get into the ride after seeing nine warning signs to not ride the ride. You sit in your pod that holds four people and the doors close on either side of you. Then the ride starts and Gary Sinise starts talking and the panel in front of you tilts forward and it’s super claustrophobic. It looks like this-

                 So Brad tells me that one time a person threw up everywhere and didn’t make it to the barf bag. So they call showkeeping, lalala, and it gets all cleaned up. Well no one realized that the person puked all up on the top part of the panel when it was tilted forward during the ride. So the next four people get in the ride and it starts and the panel tilts forward and vomit drips off the top and into their laps like this-

The worst part was that once the ride started spinning the g-force pushed whatever puke was left right at the people. They were very upset.

                AND THIS OTHER TIME I was working and this grown-ass man decided to paint the walls with his insides. Thank the universe that I didn’t see it happen because I would have contributed to the mess but I did see all of the towels. Apparently, this guy gets off the rollercoaster, pukes inside his seat, pukes on the floor outside the train, then holds his hands to his mouth to contain the puke but the puke just shoots through his fingers. He then goes to the garbage can and tries to cup the puke in his hands and throw it into the trash. Finally, he walks/pukes through the gift shop leaving a trail of puke as if he needed to find his way back.

                The ride was stalled for over forty five minutes for cleanup. And that’s not even the half of it. People are barfing, bleeding, puking, and pooping all over the place there. It all gets cleaned up and everywhere is super sanitary but chances are that someone has puked on every surface area of that entire kingdom. Even the monorail has a permanent smell.  So what can we learn from this? If you have to throw up at Disney World just do it because seriously, everyone else is.